Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
