I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
