Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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