is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
