Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have fence marks all over my body
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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