I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize