you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
