That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
