just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize