Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
