I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
