He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
