You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
