if i can run in heels then i can drive
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
