DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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