We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
