Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light

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(619): View more from California

Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh

(513): View more from Ohio

is this your pickup line?

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(319): View more from Iowa

In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

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(708): View more from Illinois

You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....

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(248): View more from Michigan

Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.

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