Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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