o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
