She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
