he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
