38 yer olds are good kisserssss
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
