Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
