I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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