i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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