Sry I called you an 8
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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