He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
