Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
