I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
