Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
