i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
