They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
