You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
