And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
