the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize