Pappa wants mamma naked
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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