i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
