is your mom at the bar?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize