fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
