So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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