After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
3pm strippers are depressing
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
