I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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