call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All the doctor said was why
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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