DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
