i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
