i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
