i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
