I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize