i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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