i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
