yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
