ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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