Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
