sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am spending my child support on dildos
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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