From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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