I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
