Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
