The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
