gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
