it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just forgot I was standing up.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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