Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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