you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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