you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
