remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
