My balls are so social today.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So much rum. So many feels.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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