Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Damn victory sex feels great
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize