the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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