At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
