so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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