I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
