i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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