look no pants
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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