You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
