ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
