i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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