This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
