I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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