fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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