i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
