Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i came on her dog
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
