For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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