also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
