I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
