this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
