As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
