pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
