Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
