there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
