then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
