matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
