guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think i got beer on your cat.
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