So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
