Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
