I'm gonna have a badass scar
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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