literally had 100 drinks last night.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
