hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
God, you're like boner-b-gone
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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