I want to make a zoo with you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Let's paint friendship bongs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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