I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
