Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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