I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My liver just had a heart attack.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
