and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need moral support for this bender
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
