my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do vagina's smell?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
