Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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