im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
