My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize