I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
