listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize