matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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