We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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