Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
