we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
