Someone shit on the floor
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
