Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
