somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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