Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
